Tuesday, 11 September 2012

Life has been really up and down!

Wow, I can hardly believe that September has arrived already!
Things have been really up and down at the moment - I feel like I'm on a huge emotional roller coaster!

On the down side, my depression and the pregnancy have been really hard to cope with :(
It's been a really tough few weeks:
 I've been really tired and unable to sleep properly at night (due to needing to wee about 12 times!) My dreams are being plagued again by the horrible man in black (he's the manifestation of my depression) who hurts me and even threw me out of a third storey window!
I've been having arguments with hubby about the amount of times he keeps going out, without even thinking about me or little man, and whether we might like to actually spend some time with him.
I haven't managed to get to therapy in a month, due to illness and not being able to face anyone!
I have been having terrible thoughts about being a burden, not wanting to be here anymore, not being able to see past having baby - it's been like seeing a huge black void, there's been nothing there - no future at all.
Tears a plenty!

Thankfully, the last couple of days have been slightly better!
I completely broke down and told everything to mum (she caught me crying the other night) and I think that has helped a lot. I then talked to hubby and explained how things are bad for me at the moment, so he's being a lot more understanding and thinking about discussing our plans together, before he just goes out, which is brilliant!
The man in black seems to have gone away again, which I am so happy about!!!
Finally, I've had some lovely dreams about the baby and plans for next year!

Not everything has been a total disaster though, as even through the bad times, I have still managed to do quite a few things with little man:
We've made paper mache - which was a disaster, but lots of fun, heehee!
Started going swimming on Saturdays with little man, hubby and mum.
Been to the beach twice (I drove there and back the second time, which was 4 hours in total - I felt very proud!)
We've been playing games like matching pairs / the tray game, completing his Charley Bear sticker magazine (which he got as a treat for how well he's been doing with potty training!) we even had a go at little man's Winnie the Pooh CD-ROM games today.

So there we are. I'm now on the upward climb, hoping that things with continue to improve and level out!

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